The day after I mastered a two-wheeler i felt invincible.
The day after that I fell on the curb.
The day after that I couldn't play until the streetlights went on, because I was still healing.
The day after that I was back on the bike.
How many times I fell off that bike.
But I never batted one eye.
I always got back on and rode a little bit further.
How far can you ride before you fall again?
The day after the first day of summer It was hot.
I rode my bike to work and chained it to the fence outside.
It rained and rained on the ride home...and when I got there I forgot that the ride back was horrible.
The weeks after that were rainy.
The day after I had a breakthrough I lost the game I was playing.
I took my luck for granted and fell again.
Life isn't as forgiving as a bike.
But i'll get back on again anyway.
27.7.08
21.7.08
Horoscopes
Im Not a huge believer in horoscpes.
In fact, most days they are so wildly unrelatable i wonder who makes them up every day.
Today was different.
Capricorn: You must detach if you don't want to get caught in an emotional whirlwind. Messages get lost; intentions get mixed up. Anger comes in out of the blue. Ask questions and don't take someone for granted. Tonight: Hang out with a friend.
Another I checked...just cuz....
Take a deep breath and think before you decide what to do. You might wonder whether you should push a key project ahead. Lie back and evaluate for a while.
I must detach...im afraid once i do, Im gone for good.
In fact, most days they are so wildly unrelatable i wonder who makes them up every day.
Today was different.
Capricorn: You must detach if you don't want to get caught in an emotional whirlwind. Messages get lost; intentions get mixed up. Anger comes in out of the blue. Ask questions and don't take someone for granted. Tonight: Hang out with a friend.
Another I checked...just cuz....
Take a deep breath and think before you decide what to do. You might wonder whether you should push a key project ahead. Lie back and evaluate for a while.
I must detach...im afraid once i do, Im gone for good.
20.7.08
Bees
Every summer bees would build their nest inside of the vent in the front of my house.
Every summer the bees would harass my family and anyone who would enter the house.
Every Summer we would kill the bees that made the hive above our doors.
This year we barely saw any bees, and most of the east coast wondered where they all went.
Lots of our plants died, and the new garden started in my back yard wasn't doing well.
A news report came out about how bees were mysteriously disappearing.
When i moved back home a bee was on the lavender by the front door.
It was the first bee I'd seen in a full year.
I stood by the ocean this weekend and shuffled through the sand.
I thought about how excited I was when the bees came back, and how i didn't realize what we had lost until so many things that needed them started to die.
I thought about loss...and I felt dead inside.
I'm more myself then I have ever been, but something is missing, and continues to push further away.
I was excited when the bees came back.
They live above our door this summer, and we haven't killed them.
Every summer the bees would harass my family and anyone who would enter the house.
Every Summer we would kill the bees that made the hive above our doors.
This year we barely saw any bees, and most of the east coast wondered where they all went.
Lots of our plants died, and the new garden started in my back yard wasn't doing well.
A news report came out about how bees were mysteriously disappearing.
When i moved back home a bee was on the lavender by the front door.
It was the first bee I'd seen in a full year.
I stood by the ocean this weekend and shuffled through the sand.
I thought about how excited I was when the bees came back, and how i didn't realize what we had lost until so many things that needed them started to die.
I thought about loss...and I felt dead inside.
I'm more myself then I have ever been, but something is missing, and continues to push further away.
I was excited when the bees came back.
They live above our door this summer, and we haven't killed them.
16.7.08
Traffic
I used to take for granted the simplicity of hopping on my bike and peddling to my destination.
Now I rely on those dreaded things called highways to get me to where I need to be.
I feel like people who created highways hated humanity.
Never do you know your true self then when you've spent 2 hours behind the wheel of your car cursing at all of the "slow" people in front of you. Why can't they just go faster?
I've become acutely aware of every single part of the front end of my car, mostly because when i am parked on 95 or 76 i have a lot of time to stare at my interior.
It's nice...i like my car, what i don't like is when my car is not going at 80mph with nobody in front of me.
Another wonderful feature of traffic is the bonding you experience with your fellow commuters.
never have i made so many friends then the day i was dancing alone in my car while three vans full of teenagers drove by and jammed with me...yeah, eff air conditioning, share the tunes!
In a way it is a sheer test of will.
Can you sit still for two hours when your body is only capable of doing so for 20mins at any given time?
My will has been tested, and I fail pretty consistently.
Never have I felt like I have ADD as much as when i am crawling around a curve that I know i should be almost flipping over around.
In short, driving sucks...all the time.
also, gas prices make my pockets sad.
the end.
Now I rely on those dreaded things called highways to get me to where I need to be.
I feel like people who created highways hated humanity.
Never do you know your true self then when you've spent 2 hours behind the wheel of your car cursing at all of the "slow" people in front of you. Why can't they just go faster?
I've become acutely aware of every single part of the front end of my car, mostly because when i am parked on 95 or 76 i have a lot of time to stare at my interior.
It's nice...i like my car, what i don't like is when my car is not going at 80mph with nobody in front of me.
Another wonderful feature of traffic is the bonding you experience with your fellow commuters.
never have i made so many friends then the day i was dancing alone in my car while three vans full of teenagers drove by and jammed with me...yeah, eff air conditioning, share the tunes!
In a way it is a sheer test of will.
Can you sit still for two hours when your body is only capable of doing so for 20mins at any given time?
My will has been tested, and I fail pretty consistently.
Never have I felt like I have ADD as much as when i am crawling around a curve that I know i should be almost flipping over around.
In short, driving sucks...all the time.
also, gas prices make my pockets sad.
the end.
14.7.08
Rain
As much as I hate watching as the moisture makes my hair into a curly afro, I do love the stuff.
Today i spent my morning exploring my own town on bike in the middle of a cool rain shower.
It was refreshing, and a good work out.
I forgot how much this town has shaped me, and how much it did for me so early on.
In some ways I have wiped my slate clean.
In other ways, I have only made it dirtier with the middle of the summer now here.
It's gone so fast, and so much has changed.
Even if it's cliche, there is a song I've had on repeat for days...I couldn't understand it initially, but all of a sudden, I can relate.
Viva La Vida
By: Coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles standUpon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explainI know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
Today i spent my morning exploring my own town on bike in the middle of a cool rain shower.
It was refreshing, and a good work out.
I forgot how much this town has shaped me, and how much it did for me so early on.
In some ways I have wiped my slate clean.
In other ways, I have only made it dirtier with the middle of the summer now here.
It's gone so fast, and so much has changed.
Even if it's cliche, there is a song I've had on repeat for days...I couldn't understand it initially, but all of a sudden, I can relate.
Viva La Vida
By: Coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles standUpon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explainI know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
12.7.08
Moving
I guess the following could be said about either moving in or moving out.
Both require organization, self-preservation and a lot of energy.
They also require removal of self.
It's easy to move things in and out, it's harder to place yourself in a new place mentally.
In my case this new place is new in more ways than one.
There are all of the normal things like nail holes, figuring out what goes where, vacuuming and dusting this new space.
And then there are all of those surprise things...like still feeling like a stranger, and avoiding certain pictures that once adorned my last space.
Though everyone will tell you that change is good and healthy, sometimes it's downright depressing.
Before moving back in the space was prepped...no longer a testament to all of the years that preceded my three year absence.
Now it's a gallery of new things and new goals.
It's funny...when you plan too far in advance, life has a way of putting things back into perspective, the here and now is what is important, everything else is too far ahead to worry over.
I plan on living that plan...in the here and now.
Both require organization, self-preservation and a lot of energy.
They also require removal of self.
It's easy to move things in and out, it's harder to place yourself in a new place mentally.
In my case this new place is new in more ways than one.
There are all of the normal things like nail holes, figuring out what goes where, vacuuming and dusting this new space.
And then there are all of those surprise things...like still feeling like a stranger, and avoiding certain pictures that once adorned my last space.
Though everyone will tell you that change is good and healthy, sometimes it's downright depressing.
Before moving back in the space was prepped...no longer a testament to all of the years that preceded my three year absence.
Now it's a gallery of new things and new goals.
It's funny...when you plan too far in advance, life has a way of putting things back into perspective, the here and now is what is important, everything else is too far ahead to worry over.
I plan on living that plan...in the here and now.
10.7.08
One Foot in Front of the Other
I've been told too many times, "If it's meant to be it will be."
Somewhere along the way i stopped believing that.
And yet in a phone call with my mother tonight, those were the exact words she said.
Coming from her, i believe them.
I think that's what mothers were made for, to tell you the things you want to hear, but have lost faith in.
Not to say i have lost faith, i haven't.
What I have lost is my path...a little hic-up along the way.
I have faith that I'll find the path again soon...i just have to pick myself up and try again.
What really bothers me is that every time life hic-ups, you lose something you once had.
I don't want to lose this hic-up...rather I want to be sure of it before going down that path again.
I think I'm really bad at metaphors.
I try really hard to make them work too.
I think the symbol was perfect for us at the point in our lives that we were and are at.
One circle, a slash, and then another.
Too individual to be anything more, yet.
I could bullshit all night if i wanted to...I hurt.
night.
Somewhere along the way i stopped believing that.
And yet in a phone call with my mother tonight, those were the exact words she said.
Coming from her, i believe them.
I think that's what mothers were made for, to tell you the things you want to hear, but have lost faith in.
Not to say i have lost faith, i haven't.
What I have lost is my path...a little hic-up along the way.
I have faith that I'll find the path again soon...i just have to pick myself up and try again.
What really bothers me is that every time life hic-ups, you lose something you once had.
I don't want to lose this hic-up...rather I want to be sure of it before going down that path again.
I think I'm really bad at metaphors.
I try really hard to make them work too.
I think the symbol was perfect for us at the point in our lives that we were and are at.
One circle, a slash, and then another.
Too individual to be anything more, yet.
I could bullshit all night if i wanted to...I hurt.
night.
6.7.08
America's Favorite Passtime
Interestingly enough I was never a baseball fan as a child, even though i played from the time I was very young and had a father who loved the Phillies.
It wasn't until the world brought me to the biggest Mets fan alive that my palate for the sport grew.
It used to be that whenever i was dragged, very much unwillingly, into Veterans Stadium it would be a battle to keep myself occupied.
I tried lots of things like running up and down the steps, dangerous if you were ever at the Vet, doing laps around the stadium and of course checking in every so often with Dad..."Can we leave now? Nobody has scored!"
Ever since this Mets fan infiltrated my life...I see baseball as something else.
Now, I go into Citizens Bank Park excited and eager to see the Phils dominate the opposing team.
I do laps around the stadium, but often unwillingly and only if absolutely necessary.
And best of all I get to watch and enjoy a sport that is so much a part of his life.
Baseball is quickly becoming my second favorite sport to watch, second only to college basketball which is hands down the best thing to be a part of.
Tonight as I watch the Phils battle the Mets in the bottom of the 10th inning tied 2-2, I feel excited and proud to be a Philadelphia Phillies fan.
% Bring it Mets fan. %
It wasn't until the world brought me to the biggest Mets fan alive that my palate for the sport grew.
It used to be that whenever i was dragged, very much unwillingly, into Veterans Stadium it would be a battle to keep myself occupied.
I tried lots of things like running up and down the steps, dangerous if you were ever at the Vet, doing laps around the stadium and of course checking in every so often with Dad..."Can we leave now? Nobody has scored!"
Ever since this Mets fan infiltrated my life...I see baseball as something else.
Now, I go into Citizens Bank Park excited and eager to see the Phils dominate the opposing team.
I do laps around the stadium, but often unwillingly and only if absolutely necessary.
And best of all I get to watch and enjoy a sport that is so much a part of his life.
Baseball is quickly becoming my second favorite sport to watch, second only to college basketball which is hands down the best thing to be a part of.
Tonight as I watch the Phils battle the Mets in the bottom of the 10th inning tied 2-2, I feel excited and proud to be a Philadelphia Phillies fan.
% Bring it Mets fan. %
4.7.08
Independance Day
Happy Fourth of July...my first in the news buisness.
No news is good news in my opinion.
By this time, I'm fluent with scripts and the hustle and bustle.
I feel more at home among those who have been here far longer then I have.
Being the new person is always hard to start.
Next week I begin my journey as Associate Director for Delaware Tonight, a WHYY production doing things I've never learned before.
I'm a sucker for new endevors.
If anything it's just another skill to add to the growing resume.
Though my summer has been a very adult one, things are coming together well.
As for the Holiday, I'll be celebrating with the B101 crew at Penns Landing with the Super scooper event, that is...if the weather holds out for us.
Have a happy and Safe Holdiay weekend, see lots of fireworks!
No news is good news in my opinion.
By this time, I'm fluent with scripts and the hustle and bustle.
I feel more at home among those who have been here far longer then I have.
Being the new person is always hard to start.
Next week I begin my journey as Associate Director for Delaware Tonight, a WHYY production doing things I've never learned before.
I'm a sucker for new endevors.
If anything it's just another skill to add to the growing resume.
Though my summer has been a very adult one, things are coming together well.
As for the Holiday, I'll be celebrating with the B101 crew at Penns Landing with the Super scooper event, that is...if the weather holds out for us.
Have a happy and Safe Holdiay weekend, see lots of fireworks!
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