My resolve in the New Year

It occurred to me while out with my guy friends that 2009 is only a day away.
New Years are supposed to mean fresh starts, new outlooks and lots of resolutions.
But how many times have things ever really changed intentionally?
In the New Year i foresee lots of change, but most of it will happen regardless of my own actions...time moves without my help.

I guess in the New Year i resolve to be more open to the change that is coming and eager for it to be here.
Life gets stagnant at times and if i can say nothing else of 2008 its that it has been anything but stagnant.
I'm looking forward to life...and becoming a real person with things to balance and talents to expand.
I'm looking forward to being the first of my family unit to walk and receive my collegiate piece of paper.

I'm looking forward to something new, scary, different and exciting.
I look forward to the New Year.
Happy 2009.

Christmas

Despite having to work the whole holiday, it was a good year to celebrate.
The levity was much needed around the station and in my own life, Chirstmas is simply my favorite.
Good friends, amazing family and a home cooked breakfast made it all the more wonderful.

Merry Chirstmas everyone!

Almost...

Brave insane mall conditions...check
Buy presents for family...check.
Buy myself a congratulations present...check.

Its almost Christmas.
I've noticed in my later years that the almost time before Christmas is full of a little bit less anticipation then in previous years.
The warm breakfasts and festive paper is still the same.
My family still opens up everything on Christmas morning just as we always have...but lots of things are different.
Remember when Christmas was full of magic?
I do.

Maybe you are supposed to feel removed from all of that so one day when you have your own children you are eager to make it that much better for them.
There is something incredibly pure about believing there is a Santa Clause.
Fat belly, red suit and all that fluff.

Merry ALMOST Christmas.

David

This is David, my model for figure Drawing.
Charcoal and conte crayon on Brown craft paper.

Inspired

Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes.
This weekend it came in the form of The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.
The quote inspired the pastel drawing to the left, it also opened the movie.
There are days like today when i wish life was as simple as swinging on a tire swing...

It seems that lately it has been anything but.
Goofy, crazy Aubrey hasn't had a second to appear because recently everything has been about responsibility.
I want to be carefree, I want to take things as the come, but lately I've been dealt a raw deal.
The glass is ALWAYS half full...I just have to keep reminding myself.

Things will get better, they have to.

Breath Clouds

Christmas Eve:
The more you love someone,
The more you want to kill them.
Loving and killing Fit like hand in glove!
So if there is someone
You are wanting soTo kill them.
You go and find him.
And you get him.
And you no kill him.
Cause chances good
He is your love.
~Avenue Q

It snowed last night and into the early morning.
I love it.
As the semester comes to a close, the holiday season approaches.
Christmas is so close.
I guess it got me thinking.

Happy Weekend

Perspective

One side and then suddenly the other.
I guess I'm fortunate.
Reinvention is a lengthy process, but my environment has encouraged and accepted it.
It smells like winter.

I'm bursting from every seam.
I'm allowed to make baby steps...but i cringe as others do too.
Two faces are supposed to be a bad thing...but i definitely have both.
I guess it's all based on perspective.

Shaken

3:45am- Broad Street and Cecil B. Moore Ave. I'm just driving into work do do the early shift.
I watch as a blue car runs the red light and smashes head on into a silver car.
Without warning, the silver car floors it, and smashes into the drivers side of my little red saturn.
I was T-boned.

I spun for a while out of control until the curb broke the spin and landed me on the sidewalk.
The silver car just missed plummeting into the subway.
The blue car was in the middle of the street.
Nobody had even called the police.

I keep playing it over and over again in my head.
Its still hard to put myself behind that wheel yesterday morning, or in the hospital 3 hours later getting X-rays of my back and neck.
I was lucky.
The drivers were drunk.

Please...If you love your family, Friends, Husbands, Wives, Children, Boyfriends or Girlfriends, you will never get behind the wheel after having a drink.
Someone was watching over me...I guess it just wasn't my time yet.

Graffiti

So this is what I found written on the back of my stall door a few days ago.

Instead of the traditional bad language or scrawled telephone number of a scorned lover, I found this.

The funny part is, it's exactly what i needed to hear as my life has become one of constant chaos and utter imperfection.

What someone took two seconds to graffiti on the back of a bathroom door, I needed to see in order to understand.

It wasn't the only thing that I found inside of this apparent "stall of inspiration". There were bible passages and a really interesting dialogue between one graffiti artist and the rest of the Temple University woman's bathroom community:



Someone who needed to hear it found an audience that spoke back.
And maybe more then just the original scrawler needed to hear that advice.
A common theme was, "Love yourself first".

Thanks Anonymous Graffiti Artists.

When I grow Up...

I want things now.
I hate waiting, and I find that I am incredibly impatient.
I rush through the good so I can find the better, many times without finding that greener grass.
I always wish that the world would see me now, and the potential that I have, rather then waiting until after I have that piece of paper.

I wonder if in 40 years I'll look back and see that I didn't indulge enough in the present.
I wonder if I'll have regrets...my worst fear.
I wonder if I am alone in this, by myself with the feeling of wanting more...needing more.
I always thought I'd have the answers by this time, but I am realizing that life doesnt work on a time schedule.

If life doesn't have the answers, time does...and time is never on my side.
When I grow up I want to have the answers.

Fall

It rained last night. The kind of rain that impairs your vision and makes your tires slip around corners. I had to squint to see through my exhausted eyes. I was too tired to cry, or to feel. Sometimes that's a feeling I relish.

I walked around campus today. It's cold and orange and yellow and perfect weather for hand-holding and hooded sweatshirts. I got to the bell tower and sat under the bells and thought about all of the before-times. It wasn't less complicated then, it was just different.

Tonight as I pulled out of my parking spot outside of the theater, time happened to me in a different way. It's not a fear, it's an unknown. Usually I get excited, but today I was terrified and alone behind the wheel, driving away from all of those potential lights.

Suddenly everything is real and there aren't any song lyrics to relate it to.
Tonight it's just me.

Square One

A Beautiful Mess (Jason Mraz)

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man, And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy, Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language, And shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective, Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your adviceYour comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy, Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we areHere we are [x7]

We're still hereWhat a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

~One step forward and 42 steps back. Nothing is ever easy. Never.~

History

Last night history was made.
Personally, I voted in my very first election early yesterday morning.
I finally felt a part of my country's democratic process.
Not only did I turn out for my first election, but so did millions of other young people just like me.

6 hour lines, roof collapses, rainy weather, nothing kept the voters away from changing a country that has fallen so quickly from grace.
I'm proud that for once, the country was united for the people.
Regardless of party, this day marks a milestone for the colored community, the young community, the old community...records were set for everyone.
338 to 163, a landslide victory.

I only hope that this will be the change that we need, that this will be the difference that opens up the eyes of those who refuse to better their communities.
I'm proud to be a part of this day, and this country.

Remembering

Maybe it was just a dream?
Like if i opened my eyes too wide I wouldn't be there, I wouldn't be warm and cozy and familiar.
Maybe it was a tease, a trick of the memory as it rekindled feelings I hadn't ever really lost.
Maybe if I blink I'll be alone again.

Hand in Hand I had to learn again, unsure of how to ride this bike that had been put away for so long.
But like so many things, memory took hold and the new became a freshened version of the past.
Uninterested in the future the now became everything...and promised to continue for a while.
On halloween night, I remembered you.

Truely Happy.

Quake

I feel like no matter what I try to do to figure things out, life always reminds me that I will never be in control.
Sometimes I wish it were as simple as black and white...a path laid out in front of each and every one of us...but that wouldn't be much of an adventure now would it.
Happiness is relative.
Once you find it, some monkey wrench gets thrown in to jeopardize it.

Maybe I just haven't found it yet.
Answers are getting harder and harder to come by these days, I guess that's part of the process.
But then again, clarity has to come from both sides, from me and from the things and people of the world that I have no control over.
Do you ever wish that you could figure out what someone was thinking...what their motivation was or is?

I never did, until now.
I guess I'm just shaken, a mini earthquake.

Destiny

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."

~Forrest Gump to Jenny Gump

I believe we make our own destiny. I love this movie.
I miss you.
I also love you. And no matter where you are right now in your head...I'm still here loving you.
But until a better day...I'll be ok knowing that.

Independant Woman

I have lost a few people in my life.
Each time it happens it's painful and changes you forever.
Loss takes many different forms, but death shows you how much your life means to everyone, especially if you have ever doubted how much others care for you.
Today I lost a wonderful woman who loved life, her children, her husband and being a strong independent woman.

She was stubborn, argumentative, and always in a rush.
Stubborn about putting everyone before herself...
Argumentative with those who didn't want to take advantage of her generosity...
and always in a rush to take someone somewhere...or help in any way she could.

Today I said goodbye and thought about all of the ways she used to say things.
I thought about how she spoke, how names sounded when she said them...
I thought about her life... and learned about the parts I never knew.
Today I mourned for the future of her children, and how hard life will be without their mother.

Today I said goodbye to a fiercely independent woman.
Rest in Peace Gail Wagner, you are loved and missed.

Ahead of the Curve

I've always tried to be a step ahead.
A beat before the rest, ready for whatever was coming.
But no matter how far ahead I may be, i always feel ten steps behind.
Especially as I see my peers succeed.

I'm proud to see those I worked with and admired get to the places they had been striving for, but as I watch I get hungrier and more annoyed that I'm just not there yet.
Many would say that I'm rushing...failing to enjoy the present when really I just crave relevance.
I don't see the relevance in wasting thousands of dollars to learn how to become a more "well rounded student."
Forgive me for my sarcasm, but I'd rather be working in the feild I've finished learning about then waste another year filling out elective credits.

Two days ago I became and Emmy Nominee, and while extremely exciting and incredible...I wish I was producing eligible stories myself, rather then helping others to succeed.
All in good time...I just prefer to be ahead of the curve.

Numbers

Ive always hated them.
Math and I started to disagree when it told me that numbers could appear in parts, and be divided by other numbers.
For some reason that blew my mind.
But then I realized...everything relates to numbers.

When you are raised in a house that believes in Disney and the morals that come with each of the ethnically diverse princesses, you assume one is the magic number.
One will come along and end all the saddness and begin a journey for you that could only be written in a story book.
It isn't until you have one that you realize that two could be that magic number.
Then two turns to three or four...when does the happy ending start?

I never liked math or numbers...in fact, I still hate them to this day.

Travel

I love to travel.
There is something about boarding a plane, train or driving a great distance in a car that keeps things unexpected.
The funny part about traveling for me is that I'll be equally excited no matter where I go.
Even if it's a city I've been to a hundred times before.

I'm a big sucker for bright lights and bustling streets...not so much for the long stretches of grassy land or growing corn fields.
Even though i've been going since 2:15 thismorning, I'm still excited to begin a 5 hour train adventure.
I guess its a break from the norm, a chance to be somewhere away from everything I'm comfortable with.
well...almost everything.

this work day will pass slowly...i can feel it.

The Day After

The day after I mastered a two-wheeler i felt invincible.
The day after that I fell on the curb.
The day after that I couldn't play until the streetlights went on, because I was still healing.
The day after that I was back on the bike.

How many times I fell off that bike.
But I never batted one eye.
I always got back on and rode a little bit further.
How far can you ride before you fall again?

The day after the first day of summer It was hot.
I rode my bike to work and chained it to the fence outside.
It rained and rained on the ride home...and when I got there I forgot that the ride back was horrible.
The weeks after that were rainy.

The day after I had a breakthrough I lost the game I was playing.
I took my luck for granted and fell again.
Life isn't as forgiving as a bike.
But i'll get back on again anyway.

Horoscopes

Im Not a huge believer in horoscpes.
In fact, most days they are so wildly unrelatable i wonder who makes them up every day.
Today was different.

Capricorn: You must detach if you don't want to get caught in an emotional whirlwind. Messages get lost; intentions get mixed up. Anger comes in out of the blue. Ask questions and don't take someone for granted. Tonight: Hang out with a friend.

Another I checked...just cuz....
Take a deep breath and think before you decide what to do. You might wonder whether you should push a key project ahead. Lie back and evaluate for a while.

I must detach...im afraid once i do, Im gone for good.

Bees

Every summer bees would build their nest inside of the vent in the front of my house.
Every summer the bees would harass my family and anyone who would enter the house.
Every Summer we would kill the bees that made the hive above our doors.
This year we barely saw any bees, and most of the east coast wondered where they all went.

Lots of our plants died, and the new garden started in my back yard wasn't doing well.
A news report came out about how bees were mysteriously disappearing.
When i moved back home a bee was on the lavender by the front door.
It was the first bee I'd seen in a full year.

I stood by the ocean this weekend and shuffled through the sand.
I thought about how excited I was when the bees came back, and how i didn't realize what we had lost until so many things that needed them started to die.
I thought about loss...and I felt dead inside.
I'm more myself then I have ever been, but something is missing, and continues to push further away.

I was excited when the bees came back.
They live above our door this summer, and we haven't killed them.

Traffic

I used to take for granted the simplicity of hopping on my bike and peddling to my destination.
Now I rely on those dreaded things called highways to get me to where I need to be.
I feel like people who created highways hated humanity.
Never do you know your true self then when you've spent 2 hours behind the wheel of your car cursing at all of the "slow" people in front of you. Why can't they just go faster?

I've become acutely aware of every single part of the front end of my car, mostly because when i am parked on 95 or 76 i have a lot of time to stare at my interior.
It's nice...i like my car, what i don't like is when my car is not going at 80mph with nobody in front of me.
Another wonderful feature of traffic is the bonding you experience with your fellow commuters.
never have i made so many friends then the day i was dancing alone in my car while three vans full of teenagers drove by and jammed with me...yeah, eff air conditioning, share the tunes!

In a way it is a sheer test of will.
Can you sit still for two hours when your body is only capable of doing so for 20mins at any given time?
My will has been tested, and I fail pretty consistently.
Never have I felt like I have ADD as much as when i am crawling around a curve that I know i should be almost flipping over around.

In short, driving sucks...all the time.
also, gas prices make my pockets sad.

the end.

Rain

As much as I hate watching as the moisture makes my hair into a curly afro, I do love the stuff.
Today i spent my morning exploring my own town on bike in the middle of a cool rain shower.
It was refreshing, and a good work out.
I forgot how much this town has shaped me, and how much it did for me so early on.

In some ways I have wiped my slate clean.
In other ways, I have only made it dirtier with the middle of the summer now here.
It's gone so fast, and so much has changed.
Even if it's cliche, there is a song I've had on repeat for days...I couldn't understand it initially, but all of a sudden, I can relate.

Viva La Vida
By: Coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles standUpon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explainI know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

Moving

I guess the following could be said about either moving in or moving out.
Both require organization, self-preservation and a lot of energy.
They also require removal of self.
It's easy to move things in and out, it's harder to place yourself in a new place mentally.

In my case this new place is new in more ways than one.
There are all of the normal things like nail holes, figuring out what goes where, vacuuming and dusting this new space.
And then there are all of those surprise things...like still feeling like a stranger, and avoiding certain pictures that once adorned my last space.
Though everyone will tell you that change is good and healthy, sometimes it's downright depressing.

Before moving back in the space was prepped...no longer a testament to all of the years that preceded my three year absence.
Now it's a gallery of new things and new goals.
It's funny...when you plan too far in advance, life has a way of putting things back into perspective, the here and now is what is important, everything else is too far ahead to worry over.
I plan on living that plan...in the here and now.

One Foot in Front of the Other

I've been told too many times, "If it's meant to be it will be."
Somewhere along the way i stopped believing that.
And yet in a phone call with my mother tonight, those were the exact words she said.
Coming from her, i believe them.

I think that's what mothers were made for, to tell you the things you want to hear, but have lost faith in.
Not to say i have lost faith, i haven't.
What I have lost is my path...a little hic-up along the way.
I have faith that I'll find the path again soon...i just have to pick myself up and try again.

What really bothers me is that every time life hic-ups, you lose something you once had.
I don't want to lose this hic-up...rather I want to be sure of it before going down that path again.
I think I'm really bad at metaphors.
I try really hard to make them work too.

I think the symbol was perfect for us at the point in our lives that we were and are at.
One circle, a slash, and then another.
Too individual to be anything more, yet.

I could bullshit all night if i wanted to...I hurt.
night.

America's Favorite Passtime

Interestingly enough I was never a baseball fan as a child, even though i played from the time I was very young and had a father who loved the Phillies.
It wasn't until the world brought me to the biggest Mets fan alive that my palate for the sport grew.
It used to be that whenever i was dragged, very much unwillingly, into Veterans Stadium it would be a battle to keep myself occupied.
I tried lots of things like running up and down the steps, dangerous if you were ever at the Vet, doing laps around the stadium and of course checking in every so often with Dad..."Can we leave now? Nobody has scored!"

Ever since this Mets fan infiltrated my life...I see baseball as something else.
Now, I go into Citizens Bank Park excited and eager to see the Phils dominate the opposing team.
I do laps around the stadium, but often unwillingly and only if absolutely necessary.
And best of all I get to watch and enjoy a sport that is so much a part of his life.

Baseball is quickly becoming my second favorite sport to watch, second only to college basketball which is hands down the best thing to be a part of.
Tonight as I watch the Phils battle the Mets in the bottom of the 10th inning tied 2-2, I feel excited and proud to be a Philadelphia Phillies fan.

% Bring it Mets fan. %

Independance Day

Happy Fourth of July...my first in the news buisness.
No news is good news in my opinion.
By this time, I'm fluent with scripts and the hustle and bustle.
I feel more at home among those who have been here far longer then I have.
Being the new person is always hard to start.

Next week I begin my journey as Associate Director for Delaware Tonight, a WHYY production doing things I've never learned before.
I'm a sucker for new endevors.
If anything it's just another skill to add to the growing resume.
Though my summer has been a very adult one, things are coming together well.

As for the Holiday, I'll be celebrating with the B101 crew at Penns Landing with the Super scooper event, that is...if the weather holds out for us.
Have a happy and Safe Holdiay weekend, see lots of fireworks!

A New Page

My Wish
by Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.
But More than anything, yeah, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish. Yeah.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

thanks JD, for everything.

Media

It's like working for the circus.
everyday has a new set of stressors and a new set of accomplishments.
Find a story, develop it, connect a reporter to their writer or producer, run the scripts...it's a lot.
But it's kind of like crack.

The addiction comes from the constant motion.
Once swept into this lifestyle dependent on the performance of that day and only that day, it's hard to relax.
I've lost the ability to sit still...i feel like I'm always missing something.
Three jobs is overkill.

I can't stop for a good reason though...it's all about building over the course of a year.
In one year I need to move up or I've failed.
When I was hired, the HR manager told me this...it put things in perspective really fast.
The problem is, as soon as I was hired, other opportunities came up...and if I didn't take them, I would stagnant...so I think I've bitten off a little more then i can chew.

I need to find a way to balance.
There are simply not enough hours in the day.

The City of Brotherly Love

Really, Philadelphia is an awesome city.
That is, if you like city life.
It's small enough to navigate by bike, but large enough to expand beyond the exploration a day can hold.
The people are diverse, but the community is condensed.

Before coming to college in the city I thought it would be a wonderful place because you would never see the same faces two days in a row.
Today proved that notion wrong.
John, the spice store owner from a previous entry, was in South Philly as i explored by bike today.
I walked into his store and looked through the shelves before realizing that I knew exactly who he was.
It was fun to know that by exploring my community during my internship, I've begun getting to know the people that make it as wonderful as it is.

There are aspects of the suburbs that I miss.
But honestly, I've always belonged in the city, I just love the hustle and bustle...everyday is different.
Life is about the constant change that you have to deal with in the city, for better or for worse.
Sometimes you have to take those risks and hope that they all work out in the end.

Life is for living, and I plan on living it everyday.
I'm becoming a different person, and though my outlook on life hasn't changed, my ability to make it into the life I want has.
I finally feel my age, and that is worth every bump along the way.

Independence

I spend three days out of my week talking about this topic.
I cover the facts, stating things that occurred to grant our country this privileged state of being.
I've entertained the subject as it pertains to my own life as an individual.
And I've never been more confused.

As a defined term in the English language it means: (n) freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
I am only as free as my life allows me to be at this point.
Who has control?
Certainly not me.
And it seems to be that the more "Independent" I become, the more dependent I think I am.

I need to be a part of something.
I need to be a part of a people.
I need to belong.
And isn't that absolute dependency?

In an effort to not over-analyze this, my thinking on this topic started when my room-mate moved out.
Sometimes you don't know how important people are to you until they are gone.
And when they are gone, how alone you made them feel.
Though independent, i am still sorry.

Achievement

After working very hard for three years in a program, I was finally recognized.
I don't mean that as a bragging right, or as some vain attempt for attention...
I mean that as a complete statement of pride.
I'm proud that my University and my department honored me and my boyfriend for our hard work.
I feel as if I jumped over a hurdle.

It may be that it is one insignificant win.
It may be that I am making too much of it.
But really, I feel as if I have now proven myself to my peers, and that feels great.
The bar is set just a little bit higher now.

I will rise to the occasion.

Latex Creations

Balloons can be art too.
At least, I have myself believing that.
This weekend I made over 150 balloon animals.
I have learned how to make the following: Dogs (which have subcategories of Dachshunds, Poodles and terriers) pirate swords, daggers, turtle bracelets, flowers, hats, bears, giraffes and bees.
I have convinced myself that I am a balloon artist.

Really I am so much more.
I can not only create zoological wonders out of latex, but I can airbrush you a mean looking set of whiskers, tiger stripes, sports team logos, or anything else that can be painted on a face in 5 or less minutes.

Some people pass by and wonder, how on earth can that be considered work?
Let me educate you.
After about an hour and a half of tying knots in balloons your fingers feel like arthritis and your body suddenly smells like your skin is made of latex.
It's work...just like tedious data entry is work.

But by looking at it as art, everyone takes home one of my creations.
I guess i need to work on my portfolio...maybe a race car.

Changes

Ever have an experience that changes you forever?
I have.
In fact I'll never see things the same again because of it.
For as long as I can remember I wanted it.
I knew then that it would change my perspective just as it has.
It came just as fast as it went.
And now it's over.

Working in the industry that I am going to school for was an amazing experience.
I almost feel like I lost a piece of myself as I walked out the doors of CBS on Friday afternoon.
I was stopped short by my favorite photographer Mike.
He wanted to give me a ride home for my last day.
So I got out of the CBS-3 news truck at my doorstep, and I felt so sad.
Who knew an internship would mean that much?
I'll be back one day...this is what I heard from my new colleagues.
The only thing I could say back was, "I sure hope so."
It's scary not knowing the future...
and it's sad to leave a place that claimed so much of who you are.

I'll miss my heros turned friends.

People

I place people on pedestals.
There are some you assume are wiser, more beautiful, much more intelligent, more grounded, just all around better people...people that you wish you could one day become.
I've learned in the last few years that nobody belongs on that pedestal.
Everyone is someone in their own lives.
Everyone is trying to make a life for themselves, to be happy in their own endeavors.
And at the end of the day if you take some time out to talk to those you've placed so far beyond yourself...

You'd see that they are just like you.

I admire people for not wasting their opportunities.
I relish in their ability to make the most of their lives.
If in ten years I can be half as successful as they have become, I'll be more than lucky.

Everyone is the same.

Currency

The economy is terrible right now, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
We're all going through our ups and downs financially, even if we are among the wealthy.
Money never really concerned me.
I was always made aware of how scarce it was, but i was never in desperate need of lots of it.
Now that this time in my life demands more and more of it...i realize fully how little of it there is to go around, and how much I desire to have lots of it.

Today i went on a shoot to the South Philadelphia ACME.
The people were making grocery choices based on the bills they had to pay that month.
The cost of food has risen along with everything else, and for some, that means a pretty hungry week.
One man that was interviewed owned his own spice shop.
His name was John.
John had to make decisions in the produce isle based on the longevity of produce.
"I'm 61 years old...what pension? I've put in 9 applications! They see 1947 and throw it in the garbage."
I wonder how long John will be in business based on the current state of things.
I wish him all the best.

Just after leaving that shoot, we had another in Old City.
The condo we shot in was full of luxuries, and of course plenty of food.
I admired the elaborate light fixtures and modern design.
It made me think of how fortunate some are and how much others struggle.

I still have a year, in that time I hope things get better for our country, otherwise I might be just like John.

Fuzzy

There is something creepy about a mascot.
Typically they're large, overly so, fuzzy, colorful and represent some sort of animal.
On occasion I am a bee.
The head is a large hollow circle with a bike helmet fused in the top for "comfortable wear."
The Body is a fuzzy black and yellow sac that houses a large butt insert to fill out the rest of the material.
Yes, I chose this particular method of torture...it pays well.
But I found myself in an interesting spot over this weekend.
My job took me to a zoo during mascot day and placed me in the role of this giant bee.
Before I knew it I found myself dancing to Phil Collins along side a variety of large, fuzzy creatures.
As I danced I wondered, who in the hell is inside of each of these costumes?
I found out during our break as we were all stuffed in a conference room and carefully removed our large fake heads.
Soon we were a group of young twenty somethings from the neck up, but from the waist down...lovable creatures.
As I sat in one of the plastic chairs breathing fresh air instead of filtered air through giant Bee eyes, i thought about what a sight this must be to people who have never had the privilege of being a mascot.
Part of me wanted to walk out after my break as half bee, half eagle. What? I'm a mutation!

Here's a tip for all of those who are thinking of turning mascot: Stay away from teenagers, they will try to knock your head off.

Acryllic

Balls of paint pool in my palate and I mix to make a shade.
White, taught canvas gets a coat of graphite and eraser shavings.
My superman bowl is filled with tap water, and my "chill music" playlist keeps me company.
Sprawled on the floor, I see no need for an easel...actually I think if i had one it would be used to display other pieces I have already created.
Art is a way to escape.
Like writing words in a journal, colors leap out and grab white-space creating depth and questions that need no answering.
I'm not a painter for the people, but instead I admire my own work because I know why it needed to be created when it did.
They hang on my walls, the paintings...and I remember what I was running from during each of them.
Unlike poetry or music, the paintings can mean whatever you want them to...they don't need words to make sense.

I feel like painting a picture today because today I feel like running.

Pyramid

I made one today.
I made a pyramid of bodies in the middle of a tile floor with 25 people I know almost nothing about.
We barely have each others names memorized and yet we are comfortable enough to climb on top of eachother to form a human pyramid.
We did this in under 20 seconds.
I was proud of us really.
We thought of many things we could make in the time that we had to make something in.
We settled on a human pyramid.
I stood proudly at the top.

I wonder what the day would have been like if more people were brave enough to climb to the top of their "human pyramid". Part of the fun is the fear of falling down.