Independence

I spend three days out of my week talking about this topic.
I cover the facts, stating things that occurred to grant our country this privileged state of being.
I've entertained the subject as it pertains to my own life as an individual.
And I've never been more confused.

As a defined term in the English language it means: (n) freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
I am only as free as my life allows me to be at this point.
Who has control?
Certainly not me.
And it seems to be that the more "Independent" I become, the more dependent I think I am.

I need to be a part of something.
I need to be a part of a people.
I need to belong.
And isn't that absolute dependency?

In an effort to not over-analyze this, my thinking on this topic started when my room-mate moved out.
Sometimes you don't know how important people are to you until they are gone.
And when they are gone, how alone you made them feel.
Though independent, i am still sorry.

Achievement

After working very hard for three years in a program, I was finally recognized.
I don't mean that as a bragging right, or as some vain attempt for attention...
I mean that as a complete statement of pride.
I'm proud that my University and my department honored me and my boyfriend for our hard work.
I feel as if I jumped over a hurdle.

It may be that it is one insignificant win.
It may be that I am making too much of it.
But really, I feel as if I have now proven myself to my peers, and that feels great.
The bar is set just a little bit higher now.

I will rise to the occasion.

Latex Creations

Balloons can be art too.
At least, I have myself believing that.
This weekend I made over 150 balloon animals.
I have learned how to make the following: Dogs (which have subcategories of Dachshunds, Poodles and terriers) pirate swords, daggers, turtle bracelets, flowers, hats, bears, giraffes and bees.
I have convinced myself that I am a balloon artist.

Really I am so much more.
I can not only create zoological wonders out of latex, but I can airbrush you a mean looking set of whiskers, tiger stripes, sports team logos, or anything else that can be painted on a face in 5 or less minutes.

Some people pass by and wonder, how on earth can that be considered work?
Let me educate you.
After about an hour and a half of tying knots in balloons your fingers feel like arthritis and your body suddenly smells like your skin is made of latex.
It's work...just like tedious data entry is work.

But by looking at it as art, everyone takes home one of my creations.
I guess i need to work on my portfolio...maybe a race car.

Changes

Ever have an experience that changes you forever?
I have.
In fact I'll never see things the same again because of it.
For as long as I can remember I wanted it.
I knew then that it would change my perspective just as it has.
It came just as fast as it went.
And now it's over.

Working in the industry that I am going to school for was an amazing experience.
I almost feel like I lost a piece of myself as I walked out the doors of CBS on Friday afternoon.
I was stopped short by my favorite photographer Mike.
He wanted to give me a ride home for my last day.
So I got out of the CBS-3 news truck at my doorstep, and I felt so sad.
Who knew an internship would mean that much?
I'll be back one day...this is what I heard from my new colleagues.
The only thing I could say back was, "I sure hope so."
It's scary not knowing the future...
and it's sad to leave a place that claimed so much of who you are.

I'll miss my heros turned friends.

People

I place people on pedestals.
There are some you assume are wiser, more beautiful, much more intelligent, more grounded, just all around better people...people that you wish you could one day become.
I've learned in the last few years that nobody belongs on that pedestal.
Everyone is someone in their own lives.
Everyone is trying to make a life for themselves, to be happy in their own endeavors.
And at the end of the day if you take some time out to talk to those you've placed so far beyond yourself...

You'd see that they are just like you.

I admire people for not wasting their opportunities.
I relish in their ability to make the most of their lives.
If in ten years I can be half as successful as they have become, I'll be more than lucky.

Everyone is the same.

Currency

The economy is terrible right now, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
We're all going through our ups and downs financially, even if we are among the wealthy.
Money never really concerned me.
I was always made aware of how scarce it was, but i was never in desperate need of lots of it.
Now that this time in my life demands more and more of it...i realize fully how little of it there is to go around, and how much I desire to have lots of it.

Today i went on a shoot to the South Philadelphia ACME.
The people were making grocery choices based on the bills they had to pay that month.
The cost of food has risen along with everything else, and for some, that means a pretty hungry week.
One man that was interviewed owned his own spice shop.
His name was John.
John had to make decisions in the produce isle based on the longevity of produce.
"I'm 61 years old...what pension? I've put in 9 applications! They see 1947 and throw it in the garbage."
I wonder how long John will be in business based on the current state of things.
I wish him all the best.

Just after leaving that shoot, we had another in Old City.
The condo we shot in was full of luxuries, and of course plenty of food.
I admired the elaborate light fixtures and modern design.
It made me think of how fortunate some are and how much others struggle.

I still have a year, in that time I hope things get better for our country, otherwise I might be just like John.

Fuzzy

There is something creepy about a mascot.
Typically they're large, overly so, fuzzy, colorful and represent some sort of animal.
On occasion I am a bee.
The head is a large hollow circle with a bike helmet fused in the top for "comfortable wear."
The Body is a fuzzy black and yellow sac that houses a large butt insert to fill out the rest of the material.
Yes, I chose this particular method of torture...it pays well.
But I found myself in an interesting spot over this weekend.
My job took me to a zoo during mascot day and placed me in the role of this giant bee.
Before I knew it I found myself dancing to Phil Collins along side a variety of large, fuzzy creatures.
As I danced I wondered, who in the hell is inside of each of these costumes?
I found out during our break as we were all stuffed in a conference room and carefully removed our large fake heads.
Soon we were a group of young twenty somethings from the neck up, but from the waist down...lovable creatures.
As I sat in one of the plastic chairs breathing fresh air instead of filtered air through giant Bee eyes, i thought about what a sight this must be to people who have never had the privilege of being a mascot.
Part of me wanted to walk out after my break as half bee, half eagle. What? I'm a mutation!

Here's a tip for all of those who are thinking of turning mascot: Stay away from teenagers, they will try to knock your head off.